I started the day as any other where I am alone in the house with MacGregor, my dog. He still needs to be fed and let out, he will never stop barking at cats and squirrels, the phone still rings, doors have to be answered, the usual run of the mill day. Except that my thoughts keep returning to AC's last days in the hospital, trying to rack my memory for one more picture of him that maybe I had forgotten, one more conversation we might have had, anything to fill my heart with some kind of peace. I have not been successful, but that is okay. Pictures of him in my head continue to flash like a slide show, happy times, sad times, you name it, the pictures keep coming. I had taken down all pictures of him in the house, but I am slowly returning them to their usual places. Healing must be taking place because I want to see him besides just on my nightstand where I can kiss him goodnight.
walking around the house feeling sorry for myself. Laundry needs to be washed, closets cleaned out, art is screaming at me to be created. It doesn't help that my muse has left the building, but I am trying to tease her out of hiding.
My grown kids, family, and friends have been such a great support for me. They let me cry when it doesn't look like I will ever stop, given hugs, made me laugh when I thought I never would again, been there for me when I needed them in person and online, and loving me through this difficult time. I have friends that call me on the phone, mail me RAK's (Random Acts of Kindness) of artwork they made to cheer me up, what would I do without them? They have been my lifeline. I am so grateful that all of them haven't given up on me and written me off. I know I will get back to a normal schedule of painting and being online with my friends but right now it is still hard. The fact that I wanted to blog is a sign of healing, wanting to be online is a great step forward.
Yes, it's a hard time right now, but today I am in my studio working with paint and pens and paper and had a blast the last hour. My muse may be really good at hide-and-seek, but damnit, I am going to have a good time and make her jealous so she will want to create with me again.
It's a beautiful day outside even though it's only in the 40's. Who knew? *grin*